~An ending to Things~

Its settled...

Really, all that come to an end. Happens perhaps by chance, in a moment of anger for him, in a final clear mind to release myself for me. I made a decision, I chose Nun Jun.

So now, I can be who I am, I dun need to change. I have a guy who will willingly love me, who will give me his everything, despite what he will get back. I love him. I appreciate him.

If love is true with all the sayings, then this shall be my saying for me and Nun Jun... "Love is the comfortable feeling knowing you will be there". Yup, never has anyone make me feel so secure, so safe, and so back at home.

I have hurt him with all these, although he doesnt say. I have hurt myself, and perhaps also Rix. All these perhaps lead back to Nun Jun not giving me everything I want. Thats why I seek comfort elsewhere. But now I know its wrong, cos nobody is perfect. Others, can be more wrong.

I just hope he still love me as much, if not more. Cos I wan to love him more than ever. I just wish that our story will never have a ending. I just wish that Nun Jun will oneday be a prince.

As for Me and Rix, this is an end for us. From the moment I decide this is the best for me, that I dun want to use anymore energy to hold him back, that I can just be myself. Cos I will be loved simply by being myself. I can have the best. I really hope I will still be in his life, I really wish that he will still be in my life. That we will always be a part of each other's life. I can do it. Never can be together, but always someone special. But I doubt he can. From how much I understand him. UNless... unless, this time round, I am really too special.

But I am living my life as it is. So, this is an ending for this blog too. Goodbye, all that has been reading these. My future, I will fly, I will soar!

Bon vovage~

2 days to my EXAM!!!

Haven really been writing lately... guess I simply dunno what to write... Many things have been pushed back to the back of my mind... and gladly, I really got my long needed break...

Have been daily with Nun jun... my dear dear... we had some conflicts once or twice these 2 days... Is it that I am starting to care more? back to the last time? But its still gd... cos he treats me fine... and he is doing his best, i know....

'bout Rix... haven really been seeing him... not even talk or sms... sometimes he inform me of his whereabouts... but i am busy too... then at times i sms him just to check how he is doing le... and no reply too... ya, it has been put across plainly to me that he is supposed to be very busy at his job recently... but i think that there is no way that he is that busy... to the point of no time for any form of contact...

And last night I have a feeling someone broke his promise... just last sat, we promise each other that we will not lie to each other again... he was the one who care so much about honesty cos he thinks that i had lied to him a number of times... I din mention it, buut i remembered certain things... when he said he never evr lied to me before, that's a lie... he lied to me a few times... lying about where he is n with who... and with no reason at all... Maybe he forgot, but he should go n reflect on his own actions... he was the one who lied to me so many times n still dare to say he never lied... and this aside... we have a promise not to lie to each other ever again, which he so confidently said that it will never happen to him cos he will never lie too me... it seems funny and ironic now... haha.... I feel that last night he is lying....

I din mean to syp on him or wat... just feel that dunno what he is doing since its a sat... and how is his job n everything... Sms him, got no reply... so after hours... I just called... I din wan to called actually, cos a person should know how to reply my sms first... if a person wants to ignore, isnt it stupid of me to call and bother the person? But well, i give him the benefit of doubt... just maybe he really din see the message... so I called. he picked up the phone, and I heard giggling background noise... i din really care who he is with or where... cos if he is outside having fun then its his own business... but since i was calling to ask how he is nn everything, of cos i will also ask where is he... guess wat? he said just finished work... at 12 plus midnight? haha.... and what about the ladies' giggling I heard?

Nvm... then he said reach hm will leave me a message... but in the end, all the way till after my movie i din get any... i wun blame him if he has been off to somewhere else or wat... buut he told me on the way hm before that.... if i were any foolish, i would have been worried... but i am not stupid....

i called him twice n no answer... i guess its to pretend that he has fallen asleep... like i say, if i were any foolish, i will have believe him.... but i am not... i can sense when i am been lied to... so i went to withdraw his money... n sms him saying that cos i cant get him so i took it first... I knew that will get to him... and just as i expected... he called mi nt long after that... Now, if a person is dead asleep, then how on earth will they wake up suddenly to see a sms? or to call back? when i called twice if he cant hear it, then how come is suddenly awake? I wanna ask him all these actually, but i was outside, n i dun wan to waste time argueing with him on the phone...

But I cant forget it, cos if there is one thing, one promise important between us, is that promise about honesty... And I cant believe that he lied to me...

Right now, maybe he thinks that I' been fooled by him... but too bad is... he doesnt know who is fooling who... actually all these mind game is too easy for me... i can easily play along... but what i really rather do is talk it out, to know why n to tell him he had really done a big wrong... but i dun wan to argue... i am scared of the trouble... these few days have been happy n relax... i like it this way... so maybe he will read all this oneday... or maybe i will cant help it n say all these out oneday... but right now... he is foolishly thinking i believe him... and thinking back, what have i got to lose by that lie? i was with my big groups of friends... not even a slightest bit of intention to go other places other then orchard area.... His lie is stupid n relunctant... only he thinks he is been clever by doing this...

I really really really feel like scolding him!!!!!

That feels so much better.... haha... anyway, watched 'Blood n Choc' last night... not as nice as we all expected... ahaha... but yesterday was fun... everybody was so crappy... and we were laughing and laughing... n I am becoming really gd friends with Joan too... haha... dunno why two person completely opposite can click so well...

And exams is on tuesday... so supposed to start reading a bit later... Going for a swim at Chervon with Nun jun... and hope can read a little when chilling out too...

----GOOD LUCK---4 MY EXAM----

~Music n Lyrics~

Recently I watch this movie, "Musiv n Lyrics". What a good movie... with a good ending too... :p

Well, been pretty relaxing these few days... going out, going for classes (for my insurance exam), and having my appetite back is good... haha... but feel abit bloated le...

Anyway, been meeting leong and Nun jun dear... Nun jun's on one month MC again... Haiz, actually i'm not sure if its a good thing or not... sure, he'll be there for me le... just like last time... and we dun quarrel like last time le... its been relaxing with him le... I do enjoy it lots...

Actually I still miss some of the good old times... with mclin, yuan da.... even rix... or esp rix... haha... i dunno wat I'm saying... but well, just kinda miss those days... And that's why I'm going to play ball tomorrow at woodlands le!!

Actually I sms all of them 'bout going to play ball... I'll be with 2 of my new friends... Yuling n Jess.... but they dun mind my friends joining in.... So i sms yuan da, rix n john.... In the end only yuan da reply.... Sob... I wonder why....

I wonder how Rix is feeling? haha.... he seems busy... or maybe its cos I din ask le... Dunno wat he is thinking le... maybe thinks that I got nun jun accompany ba? High chances... haha.... sometimes I feel that I know him too well... actually....

Mmm... if that's how he thinks, then its silly.... he never ask me when I free! hahaha... I might actually be free if he ask..... Sigh, so silly.... I dun like to ask guys out.... =_=

Wrote a lyrics.... no music to go with it.... post it in the next entry!

~where's the right jigsaw piece?~