Happy Chinese New Year!
Gong Hei Fatt Choy~
It's chinese new yr again... so fast... time really flies... everytime chinese new yr coming, I'll be experiencing my pre-new-yr fear... haha... tat means fear that old things will come back to haunt me...
Well, it is still new yr now... cos it supposed to be.. 15 days? haha... I'm not sure, but today's just the 5th day... The important New yr Eve, and following three days have passed... Haha... boy, am I glad this yr was ok for me... quite gd in fact....
I went lots time to Nun jun house and his relatives house... Leong and renshan came too... we have quite a relaxing time together... and during one of the days I even had dinner with his parents... First time in 2 yrs wor! haha :p
But despite all these, actually I miss Rix de... Although I am having fun, but I always wonder how he is doing... and if he miss me? haha... a bit thick skin... but I tot he will have miss me alot... cos before he left, I got his farewell sms... all so sweet... saying that he was already missing me... And I miss him, really...
But I guess I was wrong... sigh... I am glad enough that I had a good new yr.... Just that I guess a part of me was waiting for him to come back... a part of me doesnt want him to come back so fast... why? cos I know that if I knew he is back, I will know if he miss me... i will hope for us to meet, to enjoy the holidays together... Just like last time... and if he is back but from wat my six sense tell me, he wun be the Rix I knew already... I was waiting for him to come back, so that we can happily all gather together just like last time, with yuan da, lisa they all... I miss those times...
But like I said... I guess i was too thick skin... People din even think about seeing mi i guess... not to mention miss me... haha... why do I thought that he will have me in his heart just like I have him in mine? Maybe he doesnt... maybe he realised he's got no more feelings....
From the first moment he was back... the first sms... I knew things are different... he said just 3 word, "I'm home"... such a short sms... nothing else... not asking me how I am, not saying he miss me or wanna see me... what are we to each other i wonder? normal friends? or more? I tot it was more... can i be blame? he make it obviously so... and now? seems like I have to adjust to things he decide himelf... Do I have to adjust to and fro, friends and lovers, for him? Its very xin ku... too much...
I tot sometimes maybe I think too much... so never mind... I sms say "miss ya" first... but guess wat? No reply... haha... he went for supper with friends... but he just dun see a need to reply to that... why? maybe cos he dun miss me!
Then the next day, I was the one who called him first... wanted to chat for a while... when u miss a person, just hearing the voice makes a difference... but no, when I said i have plans to go out soon... he wants to hang up immediately... I told him i wanna chat a while... but he said he wanna sleep... haha... I'm not stupid, and i can tell its an excuse... I asked him along... he refused... What did I do? firstly, he din even ask me out at all... does he expect me to call n ask him out when other people already ask me to go out? i dun mind actually... but i dunno what he thinks... if he wants to see me as much as i want to see him, then why is he not doing anything? In the end, I got to know about him meeting Jia Xin... i decided to go along... i already dun mind that he lied to mi he is tired... nvm... I wanna just a simple dinner with friends... get to see him too...
But he was super unhappy... maybe he dun wanna see me... haha.... it hurts... but maybe he can say it to me straight... tell me the reason... everything... but i din asked...
Then dunno why, he said go meet his friends... but ended up go artery... haha... i have a feelings actually he just want go artery but he purposely dun wan go together... I am so sick of his this kind of childish behaviour....sigh... why must he make things difficult when everything could be ok.... not that i din tell him everything i planned already...
Right now, I feel that I really should forget bout him... I admit I still cant... I dunno how hard it will be... or how long it will take... All these I dunno... But except than forget what can I do? His heart already dun have me, he wants to have nothing to do with mi... he make it clear he dun wanna see me, and he make it clear he dun wan me know anything about him.... haha... nothing i can do....
++RIX... if oneday u shall get to see this... I just wanna tell u that I'll forever remember U... I hope oneday U'll come to understand alot of things... including why i did certain things... I really miss u at this point of time... I really wanna talk bout things... but I dun have the energy to deal with it... to me, time will tell... Lastly, i hope u will remember some things are real, never a lie...
It's chinese new yr again... so fast... time really flies... everytime chinese new yr coming, I'll be experiencing my pre-new-yr fear... haha... tat means fear that old things will come back to haunt me...
Well, it is still new yr now... cos it supposed to be.. 15 days? haha... I'm not sure, but today's just the 5th day... The important New yr Eve, and following three days have passed... Haha... boy, am I glad this yr was ok for me... quite gd in fact....
I went lots time to Nun jun house and his relatives house... Leong and renshan came too... we have quite a relaxing time together... and during one of the days I even had dinner with his parents... First time in 2 yrs wor! haha :p
But despite all these, actually I miss Rix de... Although I am having fun, but I always wonder how he is doing... and if he miss me? haha... a bit thick skin... but I tot he will have miss me alot... cos before he left, I got his farewell sms... all so sweet... saying that he was already missing me... And I miss him, really...
But I guess I was wrong... sigh... I am glad enough that I had a good new yr.... Just that I guess a part of me was waiting for him to come back... a part of me doesnt want him to come back so fast... why? cos I know that if I knew he is back, I will know if he miss me... i will hope for us to meet, to enjoy the holidays together... Just like last time... and if he is back but from wat my six sense tell me, he wun be the Rix I knew already... I was waiting for him to come back, so that we can happily all gather together just like last time, with yuan da, lisa they all... I miss those times...
But like I said... I guess i was too thick skin... People din even think about seeing mi i guess... not to mention miss me... haha... why do I thought that he will have me in his heart just like I have him in mine? Maybe he doesnt... maybe he realised he's got no more feelings....
From the first moment he was back... the first sms... I knew things are different... he said just 3 word, "I'm home"... such a short sms... nothing else... not asking me how I am, not saying he miss me or wanna see me... what are we to each other i wonder? normal friends? or more? I tot it was more... can i be blame? he make it obviously so... and now? seems like I have to adjust to things he decide himelf... Do I have to adjust to and fro, friends and lovers, for him? Its very xin ku... too much...
I tot sometimes maybe I think too much... so never mind... I sms say "miss ya" first... but guess wat? No reply... haha... he went for supper with friends... but he just dun see a need to reply to that... why? maybe cos he dun miss me!
Then the next day, I was the one who called him first... wanted to chat for a while... when u miss a person, just hearing the voice makes a difference... but no, when I said i have plans to go out soon... he wants to hang up immediately... I told him i wanna chat a while... but he said he wanna sleep... haha... I'm not stupid, and i can tell its an excuse... I asked him along... he refused... What did I do? firstly, he din even ask me out at all... does he expect me to call n ask him out when other people already ask me to go out? i dun mind actually... but i dunno what he thinks... if he wants to see me as much as i want to see him, then why is he not doing anything? In the end, I got to know about him meeting Jia Xin... i decided to go along... i already dun mind that he lied to mi he is tired... nvm... I wanna just a simple dinner with friends... get to see him too...
But he was super unhappy... maybe he dun wanna see me... haha.... it hurts... but maybe he can say it to me straight... tell me the reason... everything... but i din asked...
Then dunno why, he said go meet his friends... but ended up go artery... haha... i have a feelings actually he just want go artery but he purposely dun wan go together... I am so sick of his this kind of childish behaviour....sigh... why must he make things difficult when everything could be ok.... not that i din tell him everything i planned already...
Right now, I feel that I really should forget bout him... I admit I still cant... I dunno how hard it will be... or how long it will take... All these I dunno... But except than forget what can I do? His heart already dun have me, he wants to have nothing to do with mi... he make it clear he dun wanna see me, and he make it clear he dun wan me know anything about him.... haha... nothing i can do....
++RIX... if oneday u shall get to see this... I just wanna tell u that I'll forever remember U... I hope oneday U'll come to understand alot of things... including why i did certain things... I really miss u at this point of time... I really wanna talk bout things... but I dun have the energy to deal with it... to me, time will tell... Lastly, i hope u will remember some things are real, never a lie...
posted by ++PrincessRon++ at 9:51 PM
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